Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
