Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
