i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
