Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
