if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
