based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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