Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
