he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize