and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
