my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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