what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
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What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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