she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
