it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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