my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
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Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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