its not stalking. its research.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
