I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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