my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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