Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
