she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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