First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize