At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
