He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
