HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
