i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
