you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
