shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
two words...techno handjob
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
