Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There are leaves in my underwear?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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