Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
