'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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