Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
