The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
