Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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