you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
