he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
