i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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