NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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