My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
