I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
