Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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