i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
