I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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