You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
