never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everyone says I win the strip club
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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