Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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