I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
