You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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