Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
