it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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