My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
