i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
