no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize