you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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