Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
