I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
