dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Be still, my beating vagina.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
