Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
