please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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