this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
