I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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