Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
