Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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