I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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