Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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