Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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