i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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