He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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