whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
