I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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