My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
