Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
