so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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